A Step in the Right Direction

I’m sorry, my blog, that I have neglected you for so long. Trust me it wasn’t because I’ve had nothing to say. Quite the opposite. There has been so much going on in my life that I have not been able to talk about for fear of hurting certain people who may read this. It is not my own personal troubles, but that of a mess that has developed in my family. Without getting into details, a decision was made, people were hurt, and I have been placed into the position of marriage councilor against my better judgment. I have been dealing with this hardship quietly and trying not to let it overwhelm my thoughts. There’s so much that I want to pour out into words on here, but like I said I don’t want to upset anyone.

So with my excuse for lack of writing out of the way, I’m going to try and refocus myself on my life again. That may come across as a selfish statement, but I’ve noticed that when I spend more time on my worries and less time on healing me, I start to fall back into a more closed off me. Only seeing the worst in life, not the best. That is not a place that I want to go back to. So onward to finding my smile again. My first plan of action…to take on one of my larger personal issues and see if I can turn it into a positive.

Being a manager, I know that automatically places me into a separate category in the minds eye of my staff. I know that they don’t like every decision I make, and I know that they really don’t like having to answer to me when something goes wrong. But it’s all part of my job. Well I gave up caring what they all thought a few years ago. Or so I thought. As I see it now, I actually put up a wall against them. I stopped interacting with them. No more hanging out after work. No more asking how their lives were. Just polite interactions throughout the day. I began to change that a few months ago. Although I don’t socialize with them outside of work, I have been showing a more positive outlook towards them. A more friendly approach. Well, except with one. Being honest, I know this girl hates me. She and her friends are people I use to be friends with and it was very hurtful to me when I found out that they really didn’t like me, but were just pretending because they worked for me. If I’m being honest, I admit that I have not been nice to her on purpose because of the pain I was caused. With a little clarity, hope, strength, growth, and love, I have made my peace with it all. I believe that I am strong enough to let go of my past pains and that I am ready to move on. I will not let it control me anymore. This New Year I promised myself that I would try and turn over a new leaf with her. I am letting go of the old thoughts and starting fresh with her. Everyday I practice kindness towards someone whom I thought I couldn’t with. It’s amazing the response that I’ve seen. Not only can I see how comforted she is that there is a lot less tension in the office, but everyone else feels a sense of calming in the air and it is making everyone else happier too. I no longer dread going there because it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like my eyes are seeing my work place in a whole new way. I am proud of myself for this task. It’s not easy to forgive AND forget. Especially for me. Yet, I feel as if another inner weight has been lifted off of me. Lol, ok it’s been 3 days, but I think this one wont be as hard to follow, as I feared it was going to be! I am grateful for that. And for the lesson I am learning from this experience. And for the ripple effect I see it taking in other’s lives. I hope my future tasks turn out to feel this good. Hmmm…what else do I need to work on??

xo

See my blog…I did have something to say after all. Lol Thank you for letting me have somewhere to let this all flow.